I was reading Chapter 5 of Thank You for Arguing earlier and this chapter spoke to me. The main takeaway was to learn how to persuade people to get them to like you. Now after first glance of the chapter title I was expecting something more like "just be yourself!" or "you need to be confident". But rather, Heinrichs talked about something I, honestly, hadn't heard of before. The number of times he mentioned the word "decorum" hopefully was a hint that it is the way to get people to like you.
Decorum is defined as "behavior in keeping with good taste and propriety" or simply "Etiquette" (Oxford Langauges). So what Heinrichs was trying to say is that we need proper etiquitte. He stated, something along the lines, that "persuasion and decorum go hand in hand". So in order to persuade someone to like you, you need to have good taste and decency.
He mentioned fashion a lot; I don't know about you guys, but if someone has a good fashion taste, then I'm already interested in what they have to say. Not necessarily in a "oh you look nice, I'm going to pay attention to you more" but more so... I'm more likely to pay attention? It is just such an eye-catcher! It is the first thing I notice on someone. (And I can get behind many different fashion styles.) Another thing that Heinrichs mentioned was that you also have to act and look like a stranger would think you would act and look like. He gave the example of a doctor showing up in sandals and swim trunks - not what you would expect nor trust from a doctor. Fashion can influence the way you see someone.
(I've been trying to insert a meme of the dog wearing human clothes and it is captioned as "It's called fashion, look it up." But it keeps popping up with an error message. Imagine that picture here, thanks.)
As I'm writing this the more it seems like Heinrichs wanted to tell us is that you need to wear clothes that suit you in order to "fit in" with everyone else... making you more likeable. I think that could have something to do with it, but I'd just edit what he had to say and say one thing. If you feel comfortable and happy in what you wear, rock it, that's amazing. Wearing clothes that makes you comfortable can give you a little more confidence which can lead to being more likeable. (And being more persuasive... I guess.)
I totally agree with what you said about being interested in their conversation just by their fashion sense! It is a super simple signal to me that if they have good fashion sense, we already have something in common, and there is a greater chance of me being persuaded by what they're presenting because some of our interests are related. This sounds crazy as I'm putting it out in public but it's true, and I think it's important for all of us to recognize this; if we are aware of the minor things that help persuade us even a little, we know we can do the same when we are attempting to persuade. Rhetoric and persuasion are complicated things, but when you pay attention to each factor, things become a little less heavy.
ReplyDeleteI never thought of it like you put it. That is a really good point and a great way of looking at it. It is definitely interesting the amount we "judge?" people based on what they wear and what they look like.
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